A long tale...but I need your help!

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JennMaisy
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Joined: 13 Mar 2012, 19:32
Location: Dorset

A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by JennMaisy » 15 Apr 2012, 21:51

I am hoping I might be able to get some advice/kind words/stories of your own that may make me feel better about the situation I'm in!

I'll give you a brief run down on how team Jen and Maisy came about...

After 4 years with my Boyfriend, and wanting a dog together for years we decided to get a doodle pup. My self employed work had dried up, so I had the time to train and spend with her. That's when we found Maisy and she changed my world.

A few months later of early mornings, doggy care etc I realised the prospect of having children with him would be similar to having a puppy and I felt a bit on my own with things (long story). So the breakdown of our relationship came about and we were left with 'who gets the pup'. I fought him all the way and have kept her. But I had to move out of his house and moved back in with my parents. At 25, that has been a little difficult, for me and them. They weren't expecting me back let alone a crazy doode as well!

I've spent a lot of time training Maisy on my own and classes, and my family in how to train her the way I want her to be, it's been really hard but it's worked. Until recently. My parents have gone from having a garden they love, to having a holey barricaded mess. I feel bad about that, but they accepted it with good grace. I think Maisy is a dog archaeologist, some of the things she manages to dig up! She's not allowed upstairs with me, so if I don't want to watch a TV prog they're watching they end up letting her out and looking after her in the evening. I pay for everything for her and care for her myself, but I appreciate I am under their roof and their rules apply. It's very difficult bringing up a puppy the way I want while living by someone else's rules.

I am currently in the process of un-crate training her! I desperately want her to be able to roam as free as possible in the house and learn to entertain herself at points during the day with her own toys. So I have been building up the time she is left in a room with normal things, and leaving her to chill out where she wants and working really hard to get her used to it.

However this week, there was trouble. If I ever leave her it will always be will a few toys she can chew and some others that will entertain her, but she wont destroy (you know where this is heading!) My brother popped out and after playing with her in the lounge shut the door...with her toys behind it and Maisy in the hall and kitchen. He went out and 'pulled the dinning room door too as well...when he returned he found the plug had been chewed off the hoover, my mums favourite place mat chewed up and a couple of things pulled off of the window ledge. He told me when I got home and I asked him about the toy situation and it turned out she didn't have any. I was EXTREMELY cross and tried to explain to him that she must have her toys or she'll do what any dog would do if they get bored.

Anyway, my parents got home, went totally crazy and have now said if there is not someone with her she must stay in the crate. This situation is a 'warning that other things will get chewed'. I have put my foot down and said No, and tried to explain the way a dogs mind works, and she has been fine for months out of her cage, as long as she has her own things to play with. I have spent so long working with her and when I eventually live in my own place I want her to be as free as possible and have learnt to leave things alone. but she cant do that if they make her stay in there every time she's on her own.

So now, I don't know what to do. Fight against what they want in their house but for MY dog?

My thoughts are to get a dog behaviour expert in to chat with me and my parents to make them see that would be a step backwards and get them to give suggestions??

What do you think?!?
(thank you so much if you have made it down this far!!) xxx :)
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Nicky
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Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by Nicky » 15 Apr 2012, 22:10

Hi,

I think your parents have been very fair tbh and I too would be upset if my dog chewed anything of my mum and dad's things.

If you don't want to use a crate is there a utility room you can put your dood in your parents house whilst your out to limit the chewing or do what we did buy a room divider gate and divide a little area off for them with toys and bed etc so they stay in that area when nobody is in.

We have only just started to let Dexter have free roam and he is nearly three and not chewing anymore.

It is your dog but your parents precious things still need to be respected.

Hope this helps a little :D

elainendexter
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Joined: 03 Oct 2011, 16:54

Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by elainendexter » 15 Apr 2012, 22:12

Its a hard one ,its there house and there things so i can understand them,but dogs dont learn not to do things if kept in a cage all the time ,i know i was with dexter all time when he was young but he had the run off house snice day one and never did anything bad ,i think its like a child the more you say not to do something they will do it,Are your parents at home with him ,couldnt you get a siter to walk your dog in the day to tyer him out.
Image this is when grandaughter put dexter some platts in.

Rowan11
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Joined: 04 Aug 2011, 14:18
Location: Wirral

Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by Rowan11 » 15 Apr 2012, 22:19

ahhhhh bless you !!!! youve had a rough time of it but what shines through is your love for your dog :) you really are an inspiration to others who would have given up at the first hurdle ! well done you for getting this far :)
yeah its a shame that the chewing situation had to happen :( i can feel your frustration and also your parents anger :| it really is a difficult one when you are living in someon else's home.
perhaps the behaviouralist is a good idea - i just dont know ! im sure someone will give you great advice but i wanted to say well done so far - it really will be worth it in the end when you have your own place :)
Dawn & Luna x
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LakeDistrictDoodle
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Joined: 20 Nov 2009, 11:27

Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by LakeDistrictDoodle » 15 Apr 2012, 22:26

Hi Jen
You do sound in a right pickle and I feel for you in this.
A similar thing happened to me when a relationship ended and I moved home BUT with my cat. It turned out to be a 50/50 split with us in the end, I was not allowed a cat flap, she had to sleep in the kitchen at night, but she had the run of the house all other times and I got rid of the cat litter tray that I did not want her to have. That said, things are very differant with a cat.

I know that others with some sound advice will come on here and put your mind at rest, but I will give you my opinion and you can do with it what you like :D

I watch a lot of Ceasar Millan and he is always saying that dogs live in "the now" so put things that happen last year/week/24 hours ago and in fact 10 mins ago behind them after it happens. I agree with him, so on that note I would let Maisy be crated when there is nobody to watch her, BUT only at that time. Like you said yourself, it is their house and you are not planning on staying there forever and Maisy will see your new home with her as a new start the same as you, and you then giving her the run of the new place will not be affected by being crated at a different home.
The reason I think this, and I am not a crate fan (Dorcas only had one till she was big enough to not go out the cat flap) is that you don't want to put your foot down on this matter and have it happen again. This time Maisy chewing something that can't be replayed, a photo of a loved one passed etc. Then having your parents say, all be it reluctantly, "the dog goes".
Start looking asap for a place of your own, even if money is a bit tight, we always seem to manage when we have to. Get yourself and Maisy settled in a new home together. Thank your parents for all that they have done for you over this period, but I do think you have to abide by their wishes on this for now.
Good luck Jen and keep us all posted. Everything will work out to a happy ending for you both. Chin up :D x
Me and Mummy
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nutttymutts
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Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by nutttymutts » 15 Apr 2012, 22:52

I understand your side and your parents. I have been in your situation too. For the quiet life I followed my o parents wishes. With the rule that Megan Alsatian x collie only went in the create when no one was home. However when I wanted to watch TV or go to Bed Megan came with me so we were all meeting half way in the middle.

Once I got my own placed I kept the create up and the door unlocked and she went in when she wanted , the plus side was after having kids and their friends started coming round she would go in there got some peace. Plus when we took up camping we would take out with us and she often went in with out asking. We also found that having a create trained dog hotels b&B's were more welcoming for us to stay.

so I would suggest that you suit with your parents thank them and say sorry for the hundredth time followed by would we be able to work something out created when no one is in our if they have people round that don't like dogs if your out. And for maisey to be with you a all the time your home including your room and only whilst your in there. So Barth time {you not her) you will bring her down and create her and maybe when you go to sleep your self

Also it is safe for her. You may not of been writing help you might of been writhing a rainbow bridge post if the juice has been plugged in. I ask not trying to take either side. BUT a friend of mine was saying about her son came in and switched on the TV and sky box, one of the pups chewed through the wires and the she box went bang, when I said they were lucky that he never got electrocuted she said OMG never thought of that.

I hope that you, can reach a place that you are all happy with.
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JennMaisy
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Joined: 13 Mar 2012, 19:32
Location: Dorset

Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by JennMaisy » 15 Apr 2012, 23:06

Thank you for your comments. I think you're right I am going to have to let them have it on this one, against my head and hearts wishes they do put a roof over my head. I know they have been so good to me and Maisy.

When I first moved back our family dog was very elderly, unfortunately he had to be put to sleep in December, and I think my Mum is (despite loving Maisy to pieces) finding it hard thinking Maisy is replacing Monty. The place in the house that would make sense for her to stay during the daytime is the hall, but finding that hard to suggest as that was his space, and I don't want to upset things.

To top it all off I have Arthritis and with the stress going on I have massively flared up. So I have had to do the thing I am most against and ask them to walk her for me as well. :( I have a dog walker coming round tomorrow to meet us. Hoping he will be nice and that will ease things a bit. At the moment my brother also lives at home (he got made redundant) so it's a bit of a house full, but he is usually at home all day with Maisy, I work part-time and when he gets a job she'll go to doggy-day-care during the day.

I just get cross when her mistakes are due to human error (i.e leaving the door open) and she's only doing what a bored dog does!

I can't wait to get our own space. Time is what it will take I guess!

It's giving me a great insight to raising kids though! :lol:
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nutttymutts
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Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by nutttymutts » 15 Apr 2012, 23:18

Have a look on the Dog AID Web site. Have you thought of getting maisey trained up a your assistance dog so she its with you all the time and can help you with the flare ups, Asha has given me life. Without her I would not be here.

Big hugs to you both
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JennMaisy
Posts: 81
Joined: 13 Mar 2012, 19:32
Location: Dorset

Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by JennMaisy » 15 Apr 2012, 23:29

I would love her to be trained up to help me. At the moment I think her legging it after birds/foxes/cats/squirrels/leaves/feathers/plastic bags(you get the picture!) isn't helping my joints at all.

I will have a look at Dog AID. I have been meaning to call a local charity here called woofability, I'm a great procrastinator if I am scared of the answer!

Thank you again xx
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sandyandbeanie
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Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by sandyandbeanie » 16 Apr 2012, 09:03

Your dedication to your dog is inspiring and your love for her is evident.

I was 26 when I was given Sandy by the breeder I work for, problem was, I too was living at home due to a relationship breakdown.

They had every reason to tell me I couldn't have her. They had just finished their extension, complete with brand new kitchen, had replaced all the carpets in the house just weeks before and the Sofa wasn't even a year old. They also had their own dog living with them. But instead of saying no, they did something amazing, they welcomed Sandy with open arms. And after years of delivering other peoples puppies and training everyone else's dogs, I finally had my very own bundle of fluff to take home. We occasionally had our difference of opinions when it came to raising Sandy, but just as you have done, we found compromises. Sandy and I now live with my new partner. But I will never forget what my parents did for me.

I hope your arthritis settles down and that you and Maisy find somewhere of your own soon xx
xx Beanie and Sandy xx

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Sandy at Dymchurch beach by sabinaswithenbank, on Flickr

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The Turners
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Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by The Turners » 16 Apr 2012, 09:06

You’ve had a really tough time :( , & like Dawn & Sandy said your love for Maisy shines through your post :D . Your parents sound like they’ve been fantastic too :D . It’s a tricky situation. But as most have said it’s their house, & for the moment their rules apply. Maybe you could talk to them about having her in your room when your home & upstairs, & then crate her if no-one is in the house. Accidents do happen, & in time when Maisy is all grown up, you’ll back & be able to laugh at the things she did :wink: . I know we do with our previous girl, as pup she destroyed so many things.

I hope you mange to find a solution, you deserve a stress free time after all you’ve been through.Big hugs to you, your parents & of course Maisy :D . Your an excellent doodle Mum. :D
Nicky Chris & Wurly
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poodledoodleted
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Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by poodledoodleted » 16 Apr 2012, 12:05

Ted lives with my parents and TBH I am suprised he has made it this far :lol: He has destroyed so many things - including my mums £300 glasses :shock: So don't worry she is definately a well behaved doodle compared to mine :lol:

It has all been human error though like you have said. Things get left lying around and my mum gives Ted he old slippers and then is annoyed when he eats her new ones. I know he 'shouldn't' but he is learning and is getting better. To make things easier Ted has to stay in the kitchen when everyone is out (which is very rare) and its the most dog safe place. I think a safe room is better than a crate which Ted never took to but if your dog enjoys spending time in their crate its not a bad things.

Hopefully you will be in a position to move out soon but in the mean time I think a compromise is in order for everyones sanity :D

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Bid
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Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by Bid » 16 Apr 2012, 13:29

Gosh it's a tough one! Especially when you have been carefully doing everything right for Maisie! I agree that a safe room is the preferable option, becuase if you start to shut her in her crate she is going to learn to hate it which will be a big step backwards I think. Do you think you could talk to your parents about the reason you don't want to use the hall - I am sure they would appreciate how thoughtful you are being by not mentioning it, but it does sound like it could be the ideal place for Maisie.
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LakeDistrictDoodle
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Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by LakeDistrictDoodle » 16 Apr 2012, 14:17

Hi again Jen

I love the end of your message about it is giving you great insight into having kids, I did laugh at that. I do not have children and at 45 im not about to start. What made me laugh was that I might of had them if I could of left them home alone at 8 weeks of age, and put them in a crate to sleep when I was out, lol.

Stick with puppies, they wont hate you when them become teenagers and are much better behaived in pubs than kids, they sit by the table (that you have tied them too with a lead, lol) waiting for titbits, some people are a bit funny if you do that to your kids too.

Good luck :D x
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nutttymutts
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Re: A long tale...but I need your help!

Post by nutttymutts » 16 Apr 2012, 14:37

LakeDistrictDoodle wrote:Hi again Jen

I love the end of your message about it is giving you great insight into having kids, I did laugh at that. I do not have children and at 45 im not about to start. What made me laugh was that I might of had them if I could of left them home alone at 8 weeks of age, and put them in a crate to sleep when I was out, lol.

Stick with puppies, they wont hate you when them become teenagers and are much better behaived in pubs than kids, they sit by the table (that you have tied them too with a lead, lol) waiting for titbits, some people are a bit funny if you do that to your kids too.
O M F A O o your post made me laugh

Good luck :D x
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