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Doodle comfort.

Posted: 17 Feb 2015, 15:34
by Jay128
Many moons ago some of you may remember me writing about my son and his problems. Well things came to a head on Sunday night when we ended up in the local A&E waiting to see Crisis the mental health team.
He has now been signed off work and after a phone call yesterday they are coming out to asses him on Friday morning. He now has a place of his own but has been so low that his brother has moved in with him to try and keep an eye on him.
My problem is we are supposed to be going away Thursday afternoon to friends, to visit them and have a well earned break, but should we still go. My youngest is staying home with a school friend for the first time, he is in year eleven I am not leaving a five year old at home :lol: and my other son will be with him but as a mother I feel I am abandoning him. My hubby will not be happy if I suggest staying home as the constant stress of him and his problems is making me ill. I am now on antidepressants and on Morphine for painful joints which lack of sleep caused by worry is not helping. Our son is a suicide risk and Christmas was a nightmare as he was horrible, the only reason I let him stay in the house was because my youngest would have been so upset if I had sent him back to his own home. Even writing this I can feel everyone thinking I am a horrid mother. My hubby deals with a lot of his stuff as I was almost having panic attacks when I thought I might have to go to his house and yet I still feel bad.

Poppydoodle is my comfort, she is my constant companion and tear wiper but when my son comes she will not leave him alone, following him everywhere and sitting either at his feet or on his lap it's as if she senses his pain. He has asked if she can stay with him whilst we are away but I have said no as she doesn't like his two dogs, she finds them overbearing and a bit to much as they are both bigger than her and I even feel mean about this but my youngest will look after her, she cannot come with us as our friend is allergic and although she has never had a reaction to Poppy when visiting here I don't want to drive for miles and then there be a problem because she is with her constantly.

If you have got this far well done. The main problem is that I have no experience of the crisis team and what they will do. If I am miles away and they upset him it's a very long drive home worrying about what we will find when we get to the other end.
I just want my mum! :shock:

Re: Doodle comfort.

Posted: 17 Feb 2015, 16:28
by Ianto!
I'm sorry, I'm not a lot of help with your dilemma - but I just want to say of course we don't think you're a bad mother! You've really had a time of it and I can't begin to imagine the stress you must be under or the pain you feel... But you have friends here, and I'm sure some of our more expert members will be able to give you the advice you need.
Sending hugs, and I hope you're able to get away and have some time for yourselves after all you've been through -
Anne xxx

Re: Doodle comfort.

Posted: 17 Feb 2015, 18:17
by Doodle Dee
I suppose you can't put the Crisis Team off until you are around - would that be the answer, or could you go a day later which would also be a solution

I have forgotten how would your son is and am also wondering if you are not around to "fix" things whether he would be the better for it?

I think my answer would be related to the age of your son and his brother but you are so not a bad mum else you wouldn't be asking us our opinion. You have had a rotten few years and you need to think of yourself and your health otherwise who else will. Darling Poppy doodle is so caring, she obviously knows your son is in trouble which is why she is all over him. Can your son stay in your house with Poppy and your younger son?

Re: Doodle comfort.

Posted: 17 Feb 2015, 18:33
by swardie
Jay, you are NOT a bad mum!! I doubt that many of us have experienced what you've gone through. Keep strong, and keep well.
Sandie. X

Re: Doodle comfort.

Posted: 17 Feb 2015, 20:03
by donkeydoodlelulu
You have my sympathy. Although nothing as bad as you have experienced with your sons illness we have had a difficult 2 years with our son. Its so very difficult because no matter what you will always be their mother - even if on a bad day they wish you were not. I remember your original posts and the only thing I can say is that things can only get better. Enjoy you doodle and the comfort she brings and just do what you know is right in your heart. I hope the crisis team are able to provide the support he needs and a way forward for you and your family x

Re: Doodle comfort.

Posted: 17 Feb 2015, 21:29
by suebedo
Jay, this must be every mother's nightmare. Last year was a tough year for my 2 kids, big upheaval in both their lives and it was an awful time to get through. They are both through it now but the pain of knowing they are going through something that you can't "fix" is just horrible - it's our job. Then you realise that actually, it isn't. It is their life and you can help from the sidelines, but you can't fix everything for them.

The most important thing at the moment is that you get the support you need. If you are on anti-depressants your GP is aware of what's going on - is there anything more that he can do?, anything he can signpost you to for help, advice and support to get you through this? Your GP should also be able to tell you what the crisis team are likely to do during the assessment. Talk it through with him/her so that you can make an informed decision about whether you can go or stay.

Whilst it is easy to say to go ahead with your plans, will you worry more being away during a meeting that may change his course - getting him access to the mental health treatment that he needs?

After spending a couple of weeks being at the end of a phone listening to my daughter sobbing, I know how bad it feels to be too far away to just jump in the car to give them a hug. The difficulty for you is that this has been going on for so long. If you put off this weekend so that you can go to the crisis meeting, will there be something else the weekend after, and the one after that.

Sorry, no answers, just thoughts that I would work through to help me make the choice.

(((Hugs))) to you all

Re: Doodle comfort.

Posted: 18 Feb 2015, 00:54
by Pollydoodle
Forgive me if you already know this contact but believe they are highly thought of...
(apols don't know how to copy link)
from home page use search on right top hand side and search 'crisis team or crisis services' there you will some useful info on crisis teams or CRHT crisis resolution and home treatment.
Perhaps you can try find out if you are to be included in the meeting...
As for yourself,take care ,be kind to you.
Would a memory foam mattress ease the painful joints some what. I found it helped much more than l ever anticipated .

Edit:been reading do take a mo and look at Mind infoline -you can call them yourself so you have clear idea of what to expect etc.

Re: Doodle comfort.

Posted: 18 Feb 2015, 12:49
by Jay128
Thank you one and all for your kind responses. I have just come off the phone with a really good friend of many years and we have decided we are going to meet up the weekend after next for a sleep over at her mum and dads B&B, they are away so we have the place to ourselves and we can chat, have a meal out and talk about how I am feeling. She knows my son well and me even better so I have something to look forward to.
I will research mind and see what help/support they can give because I know I cannot go on like this. When suffering severe post natal depression years ago I tried to leave by way of tablets and on Sunday evening was so distressed that if my husband had got onto the train for London, he should have been there for work and got off at the last minute because he felt I needed him, I might not be here now and I have not felt this bad for years. Fortunately some sleep and hugs made me see how sad that would have been and has actually frightened me so that when I go to the doctors for my repeat meds I will be honest with her about what I need.
Again thank you for the support. After sleep I know I can survive this even if he doesn't.
I am loved, I have great friends and I am stronger then I think. :)

Re: Doodle comfort.

Posted: 18 Feb 2015, 15:36
by Doodle Dee
well said and when you feel bad again - please read the post you just wrote